Winning and losing!
“Mum, it’s not fair!! She always wins. I-WANT-TO-WIN!” Sounds like your house?
That competitiveness and drive to want to win can start young. Siblings will want to be the first to the car, to the front door, to turn the tv on, to open the letterbox or anything else ridiculously insignificant to us as adults. Watch the fallout from losing these races and you’ll quickly realise the want to win is so strong that losing can result in a crushing feeling for a young child. Did you know that learning how to win and lose is often a common goal therapists have when working with children? So how as parents do we navigate this?
Here’s 4 things to get you started;
1. Chat about how sometimes when we play games, there’s a winner and a loser, but other times we play games just for fun!
2. Give your child LOTS of opportunities to play short, quick games where they can practise losing and move on quickly. Games where they don’t become too invested and the fallout is big (I’m looking at you Monopoly)! Games like rock/paper/ scissors, naughts and crosses, giant's treasure, dots and boxes....there’s heaps!
3. Acknowledge feelings i.e., “You look excited. Winning feels good!” Or “I’m sorry you seem disappointed. I think you really wanted to win that game.” Don’t forget to tell them how you’re feeling i.e.,”Oh! I really wanted to win that game. Maybe I will next time”. Acknowledging emotions helps a child to be seen and heard and helps to develop their emotional awareness - of themselves and others.
4. Role model - show your child what it is to win and lose graciously. The other day I showed my children the final minute of Masterchef’s Grand Final. My kids know the concept of the show - that each week someone gets sent home because their dish wasn’t as good as others. Well my kids were keen to see the winner! The last minute of the show features the winner proudly holding up the trophy, with all the fellow competitors cheering that person on. My kids were baffled as to why that would happen! “Why are they happy she beat them?” Is that not the best thing for our kids to see? To see people sharing happiness in someone else’s victory despite that meaning they missed out.
Happy playing!
Lauren is a speech pathologist who has over 15 years experience working with children and teenagers who present with a range of learning and communication difficulties. Lauren is passionate about helping others and loves to find simple and creative ways to make learning fun! The blog posts featured on this site are written on behalf of Remindables and are intended for educational purposes only and to provide general information and an understanding on a particular topic. By using this blog site you must be aware that the information shown is not to be used as a substitute for therapy advice and you should therefore seek the opinion of suitable professionals to assist you. The views expressed here are the author’s views alone and not those of their employer or others, unless clearly stated. 