Help your child to separate from you
Sometimes a quick look back at how far we’ve already come gives us the confidence to move to that next step.
Does your child struggle to separate?
Sometimes as parents we can focus so much of our talk on that final step - trying to convince our child to just let go of our hand and walk in those classroom doors. Easy! But we can neglect to celebrate and praise every step our child has achieved prior to that final step of letting us go!!
This week an amazing colleague of mine reminded me of this fact and I saw a slight change in my daughter. Before bed, we drew a mountain. Starting from the bottom and drawing all the way to the top, we mapped out all the steps she needed to do to get to school. We then circled every step but the last one. I told her how strong and brave she had been doing all those steps. How I noticed how much work she had done to even get to the classroom door.
You should’ve seen the look on her face when she realised how proud I was of her, but also how proud she was of herself. The realisation that she actually was in deed doing an amazing job getting to school and she was achieving something (because for some kids they’re aware that their friends around them don’t have those same difficulties and that can feel quite lonely!)
Sometimes we can fall into the trap of focusing on the fact that our child isn’t separating and it seems like a battle to get them to leave us.
Perhaps you can try this same idea with your child - cheer them on and build them up while they learn the art of letting go!
In the mean time, here’s a comprehensive list of suggestions and strategies that may help with separation anxiety. Hopefully there’s something here that may give you some ideas to try.
Acknowledge how your child is feeling so they feel heard and they’re feelings are validated.
Practise separating (try small amounts of time where your child stays with a familiar adult they trust and build up the time you’re away i.e., walk around the block, go for a coffee, go do the shopping).
Try to have a predictable kinder or school morning routine so your child feels secure.
Encourage your child to take a comfort toy or object with them. This is why we created our “Anxiety Savers xoxo” tags. Attach it to your child’s bag so they’re reminded that you love them and you are with them in their heart.
Reward charts can sometimes work for children who are motivated to make changes. A chart which outlines small steps which help to achieve a purpose.
Speaking to the kinder or school teacher and coming up with a ”plan” i.e., when you get to kinder a teacher will take your hand and help you find a game to play. Our school teachers came up with a plan for our child to get busy doing a specific job each morning.
Ensure your goodbye is quick. Try not to linger!
And if your child is haven’t persistent difficulties and current strategies you have tried don’t seem to be working, consider the help of a psychologist who can guide you and your child.
About the writer:
Lauren is a speech pathologist who has over 15 years experience working with children and teenagers who present with a range of learning and communication difficulties. Lauren is passionate about helping others and loves to find simple and creative ways to make learning fun!
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